Relationships, God's way and Men's way...
Many of us have heard the saying: "when the student is ready, the master appears".
Likewise, "when the wife is ready, the husband appears", and, "when the husband is ready, the wife appears".
There is many information available on the Internet about how women and men think, and what they expect from each other. However, since everyone is unique, it might, sometimes, be confusing to ground our behaviour on general information. For the only way to know what a specific man or woman expects, is to ask him/her directly. Full stop.
But in order to find ourselves in that position in the first place, we investigate and try what might help us get closer to the aim.
We study the way we need to dress, the places we need to go to, the questions we can, or cannot, ask during the first date, and so much more...
In my opinion, this is getting involved in the "when" and the "how", doing "it" according to the "humans' way", while these two aspects of any opportunity in life are, actually, God's business.
So, if we do not need to approach the "when" and the "how", what is our job and responsibility?
Getting ready. That's our main business.
For the job is not to go out there and seek it, but to prepare ourselves so that we know how it needs to look like when we see it.
Getting ready in order to: emit the right signal when we go out, be faithful to ourselves and our values, know what we want, and, very importantly, be willing and ready to make time for it.
Women, or men, that are still busy having "teenager" needs, or wanting to receive only, or having very little time for relationships and marriage, are going to emit mixed signals when they go out.
Many people I talk to, worry about choosing the right dating app, or the perfect hobby to meet someone, but again, in my opinion, this is going about it the other way around.
Often, as surprising as it might seem, we do not need to change our habits, but only our inner energy and intention.
For Life can bring newness in what is ordinary and old.
Once we are new from the inside, something new on the outside blossoms.
However, since we live in a world that values action, and mostly, outgoing people, the slight changes within us are often hard to be recognized, blessed and encouraged.
Again, God's wisdom is not Men's knowledge.
I talked to a woman lately that had just met a man at the church she goes to.
She had never seen him before, during the whole year she used to go to that same church, meeting the same people, and walking the same path.
A friend of him had brought him.
She was ready, that's what happened.
The path of least resistance to us is going to be used by God, for He knows what we need, when we need it, and how.
We just have to be willing to be a cooperative component, and trust Him.
I deeply believe and have seen, on many occasions, how this works.
The means are HIS mystery.
We need to focus on our job only.
Here are some questions, we can ask ourselves to know, a little bit better, what we want and who we are. The way to answer them, is by SINCERELY, and HUMBLY, projecting ourselves in the long term future, and feel how the answers to these questions might affect us (in the good times, and the bad ones):
- Is speaking my mother tongue with him/her important to me?
- Am I ready to relocate and live far from my family?
- Am I ready to give up my job?
- Is having the same religion important to me?
- Do I want children?
- What qualities do I expect my partner to have to raise our children?
- If I am a woman, will I be willing to stay at home and raise the children?
- What are my long term goals?
- What qualities do I NEED to find in my spouse for sure?
- What can I offer?
- What are my bad habits?
- What can I tolerate / not tolerate at all?
- How long am I willing to wait until I know it is him/ her?
Of course, this is not an exhaustive list but what is crucial, is to be willing to be AUTHENTIC.
What is advisable:
- To know, from the start, what the intentions of the other person are
- To ask ALL the questions one wishes to ask freely
- To get a full and satisfying answer to each question
- To answer, as well, fully, the other person's questions
- To be true, honest, and real about our answers
- To NOT bargain our values and lower our standards EVER
- To trust our gut feeling and leave when it does not feel right
- To never think we need to PUT UP with anything bad, specially at the beginning, when the other person is still "no one special to us"
- To never think we do not have the right to know or expect
- To not involve the heart and get emotional before being completely sure
- And most importantly, always give ourselves what we want the other person to give us
So much more can be said, according to each one's specific sensitivity, situation, cultural background and social surrounding, that if you have very close friends and relatives you can be open and natural with, it is a good idea to involve them from the start, for they can be your personal coach and adviser, for they know you and love you.
Wish you all the best.
Specially to the teenagers among us and young adults, take your sweet time and be generous to yourself, do not think that getting attention from someone is what gives you value.