Have you ever said to a child: "don't do this!" and sometimes, he/she looks at you straight in the eyes and do it anyways?
Or felt: "be careful, you are going to fall!", and he/she falls?
However, when you "ignore them", children tend to calm down.
Our mind works the same way...
We often forget that everything we focus on, becomes reality.
Whether we focus on it, saying to ourselves: "I do not want it", or: "I really want it". In both cases, we get it.
This is what is often misleading with the concept of "setting boundaries", for while we are busy setting them, we are constantly acknowledging what we do not want, and therefore, attracting more of it.
It is like making sure to keep a door shut that we promised ourselves not to ever open again. As long as we worry about "holding" the door closed, we keep the issue active in a certain way. Also, we use energy and focus by pushing against the unwanted.
However, when we release it, all together, the liberating and constructive fruits of wisdom that came out of the experience, can lead us to the next step of the path.
Haven't you sometimes experienced that the things you do not care about come easily to you? And the things you never worry about do not seem to ever find you? That 's because there is no resistance around them. Neither a strong "no" , nor a strong "yes".
In other words:
1/ What we do not want allows us to know what we want.
2/ We do not need to make sure we don't get more of the unwanted
3/ We just need to focus entirely and exclusively on the "wanted", making the "unwanted" completely non existent.
What is important in this process, is to release the tension that comes from wanting to "protect" ourselves against something that could happen again.
It is like passing an exam. We know we graduated when we receive our diploma, we frame it or file it, we don't keep the questions of the exam active within us, we move on to the next one.
The aspects of what can now be considered an "old exam" for us will still exist in the world, but we do not need to pay attention to them in any way. Without saying "no", or "yes". They will be for others to pass and won't provoke any reactions within us.
Abraham hicks explains it very well in a YouTube video called setting boundaries.